Fever

It's been a while since i have fever. I actually forget how it feels like to have fever. It gives a minor headache, and sometimes makes me feel cold; sometimes makes me feel hot. The more irritating part is the sorethroat. Hate it.

This fever makes me lose my only opportunity to try mcd breakfast. Sigh~ this sickness really comes in bad timing. But luckily, this fever comes in after i finished my fyp presentation. And i can rest at home, being taken care by family. Cannot imagine how it would be if i'm sick in Uni. It must be disastrous.

Still having minor headache and sorethroat. Thanks to panadol, it does help a lot. I didnt know it was such a powerful medicine last time. I wouldnt eat them normally, but my dad forced me to take those pills. haha. I guess i had to thank him for that. Let's hope that i can recover asap.

Proper Way of Caring

Once again, I realized the my way of caring was wrong. It was not the first time I noticed it, but it will be the last time i mentioned about it. Because.. I decided to change.

Humans are very foolish. They like to listen to nice things, i don't deny i'm one of the 'foolish humans' too. Well, who dislike compliments and flattery?  That's not important anyway, what makes humans really foolish is they are very reluctant to listen to 'bad things' whether or not it comes from goodwill or pure criticism. And that's the mistake i made.

Oh well, give you few examples.

A person eats unhealthy food.
I say: Wah, why you eat such food? It's so unhealthy!

A person always use rude words in conversation.
I say: Don't keep saying vulgar words. It drops your image.

A person who is in bad posture.
I say: Your posture is very bad. You should sit properly.

That's what i did previously. Those words were from good intention. It is done out of caring. If that person isn't in the 'care list', i wouldn't have bothered about what repercussion that is going to happen to that person. However, we all know that people don't like to be 'taught'; they like to be admired instead. So, most people do not appreciate what i did, while instead most of them did not like the things i said. I realized this 3 years ago, but i did not do anything about it. I simply gave up that person and ignore that person forever.

But now.... I decided to change.  There's a reason why smart people are called smart; why friendly people are sociable. And now it's the time i'm going to change... to become smarter and friendlier.
Don't like to hear those words? Fine.. I'm not going to say those things anymore. It's not my business anyway.   Why would my attempt of making them better in the future has to end up as me being blamed and disliked? Totally not worth it. As a self centered person, i never do good deeds for no reasons. I'm not a great angel who is so kind till that extent that would tolerate people blaming me for trying to help them. You could question: maybe it's my way of putting those words doesn't sound polite enough. Partially true, but no matter how polite you are, when it is said repeatedly, no one is going to like it. And why would i go tru such mess for trying to be good?

So, this is what i'm going to do in the future:

A person eats unhealthy food.

I say: Those food are so tasty!

In mind: "let's just hope that you arent going to get cancer" 

A person always use rude words in conversation.

I say: Haha.. That's so funny.

In mind: "such a rude person"

A person who is in bad posture.

I say: (nothing)

In mind: "it's just so ugly!"

People evolve. And i evolve. 

I am becoming more self centered for the sake of myself. People can survive on their own without my comments. (Not that they will pay heed to my comments as well) But, well, for my own good, i think this change is necessary. Everyone loves to listen to good stuffs isn't it? Imagine the difference between the moment i said "the food is so delicious!" and "the food is so unhealthy!", which one would you prefer? Needless to answer, coz i know the answer.  

Secret

I hope i have this very distant friend (or stranger) who i could share my secrets.

Some secrets are tough to be kept.
And disastrous if they are revealed.

I start to lose control over myself.
And it sucks.

Vengeful Nature

I never deny that i'm vengeful in nature. You can say it's childish, but that's just how i am.
I always remember each and every bad thing people had done to me.
Even if I forgive them, I still won't forget the things they did.
Please try not to make me angry.
Coz for the bad things u did, I remember them forever.
 

Level-5 Emoness

The emoness came suddenly, i did not know what's the real reason of the emoness. My housemates thought my emoness was due to exam stress. And frankly, that's definitely not the main reason of being emo. I'm never afraid of tests anyway.

I am convinced that FYP is part of the factors that causes the emoness. No doubt, it has been making me emo countless times. I'm sure FYP is one of the culprits. What else? Love relationship problem? Nope, my love life has been peaceful and plain like a calm sea since i started 'closed-door' policy. Friendship problems? Uhm.. maybe, but i don't think that's serious enough to make me emo.

Regardless of whatever factors that made me emo, i'm actually feeling quite bad for being emo today. I don't think i made a good 'appearance' to my housemates. I myself hate to see others emo, coz it will affect me too. And i'm sure that they would hate to see me emo as well. It's not one of the greatest emo i had,  of a ranking of 1 to 10, i would rank the emoness tonight to be of level-5. Nevertheless, i'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant to others. I should have locked myself indoor while waiting for the emo period to cool off. Actually, it's not so much of a big deal, it's just that my temper gets very bad when i'm emo; and i do not say words that sound appealing to people (but more to direct sarcasm or criticism); and i wouldnt care about how others feel. I hope i didnt frighten my housemates; this should be the first time they encounter a level-5 emo. lol

I'm still uncertain of what causes and triggers the emoness. But it's okay. I'm used to it since it happened countless times in the past where i didnt know why was i emo. I hope it wouldn't happen again (but i know it will).

And guess what cures the emoness? a match of DotA! I told ya: games always have miracle power in healing emotions! 

Wo~oh.oh.. Monday Blue!

Like the blue curtain of v5 room... it makes the whole room BLUE~ and dark... Gloomy but soothing.. 

what a calm feeling it gives... and it does create a slumber atmosphere that makes people drowsy and lazy.

I like that!

Monday blue~

Tuesday also blue~

Wednesday also blue~

Friday also blue~

Saturday also blue~

Sunday also blue~

Did u notice i skipped Thursday?

But anyway, i'm just crapping. 

Blueish Monday.. lalala

Run Away

I was running away today (Saturday). Running away from all sorts of problems that trouble me. I didnt do anything today. Nothing! Except attended a Career Seed talk from Shell.

My plan for today was awesome: do my fyp poster, study 2 subjects, proceed with my fyp report, and also continue my fyp prototype. And what i did for today was more awesome: playing dota with my housemates; and play Dragon Age 2 at home.

I am not feeling well, seriously. Dizzy since this afternoon, i know i'm getting sick, soon.. And yet i did all those entertainment activities. I know i should rest, but i didnt.

I was not planned to go home though. i wanted to finish some of my work in uni. Yet, i was inspired by my roommate to go home. Actually not really inspired by him, it was me who really wanted to escape the academics mess that i had with me. Run away from them and back to my sanctuary: home.

I'm worried, i'm worried if i still not feeling well tomoro. That'll be a real disaster since i kinda postpone all my work to tomoro. Escaping from problems is good for mind, temporarily; but we all know that we cant solve problem by that. Well, i have to accept the fact that i wasted today, neither i work for my academic stuffs nor i rest to 'heal' myself from the irritating dizziness. Let's just hope i feel healthy tomoro and get to solve some of the messes that i left behind. Good night!

Fading Friendship

Today, one of my batchmate, Yeng Lee said to me this sentence: "You are going to graduate soon; how is it?" At that moment, i didn't think much about it. But now, there's the 'fading friendship' thought swirling in my mind.

Graduating signifies another change of phase in our lives. Just like graduating in primary school and secondary school, both gave me some special thoughts and realization. And this time it is about fading friendship. Anyway, we all know friends are just come-and-go thingy, no one is going to be with around you forever. However, it is still hard to let go of some friends who are so fun and happy to be with.

This time, the focus is around the uni-mates. Honestly, there are some friends that i do not even bother about if they've gone missing forever. (yeah, i'm such a cruel person). But of course, some of my friends are really hard to let go, as they gave me a wonderful memory when we used to hang out together. Despite how joyous those moments were, i know that the moment is not going to 'repeat' itself. Sadly, to some of my friends, especially my batchmates, our friendship has already start fading. Nothing i could do but to accept the fact that one's friendship circle is like cinema. When a movie ends, someone has to go, and another party of people will come. Exactly similar to friendship, where the movie symbolizes a stage of life (eg: uni life) and the people represent the friends that you mix with. When this movie ends (when i graduate), some people just have to leave the hall and let some new friends come into my social circle.

It will be lying to you if i say i'm not feeling sad for it. But, i actually feel glad that we used to have such moments, those memorable moments that will stay forever in my mind. I know the next time we meet, we won't be as close as now, but i appreciate what you did with me, and did to me. I did have a lot of fun with you all. Just take this as an early farewell speech before i graduate. lol.

The real world outside the education institution can be nasty. And i'm fully prepared mentally to face all sorts of evil people in the future. I doubt if i could get a real friend that will not backstab me in the future. I hope i could, but there's no guarantee. Let's hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Just make sure you online more often so that i can find relief when i need you all.

淡淡的失落

淡淡的失落，也不知为啥。

幽暗的房间，
配上绵绵细雨，
加上失落的心情...

也许，我在为自己的改变而懊恼。
人变了，非往光芒迈进，而跌落无底深渊。
如何拯救自己？

也许，我在为孤单而哭泣。
仍觉寂寞，尽管得到很多人的关心、照顾。
如何填满空虚？

也许，我在为前途而感到恐慌。
前途茫茫，面对黑暗世界的残酷，势必艰难。
如何照明未来？

也许，并没有也许。
只是受这突来的失落气氛感染，
而写下这篇部落格。

虽然我知道，
我并无法为自己做些什么，来战胜这淡淡的失落。

Belt - One Greatest Invention.

It happened last week. I’m not sure if I had shared with you guys. Just in case you don’t know, I’m a member of PBSM, the one that goes home every week, not the one who saves people during emergency. And on that particular week (last week), I actually forgot to bring something back to UTP from home. Well, it is actually quite normal for me to forget stuffs, used to forget bringing charger, stationery, books, towels, toilet papers, housekeys and etc. But for this case, there’s a new item in the list: I forget to bring my long pants.

I had never anticipated this to happen, first time in my life for forgetting bringing long pants. I realized it few hours later after reaching UTP, and I struggled to try searching for some “long pants” in my cupboard. Good news is, I found a “long pants” in it; bad news is: it is my ugly old fashioned ah-po styled pajamas.

What to do! What to do! I decided to borrow pants from my friends. My roommate hasn’t returned back from home, so I asked from one of my housemates, Chang Hua. And great, he lent me one of his long pants. The problem is, the waist size of the pants is 31, while I usually wear 28. So, I suppose now you understand why I think belt is one of the greatest invention.

Without the belt, the pants can be literally pulled down while I am wearing it. Thanks to belt, its amazing function prevents me from running back home foolishly just to get a pair of long pants! Lesson learned from this event is: try to get your body size compatible with the average size of other people so that you can borrow things that suit you easier.. ermm. Oops.. that’s not exactly the lesson learned. What I mean is, things could get very far off from what you expected, so be ready for any weird stuffs that are going to happen. With proper body size, you should be able to wear any borrowed things, ahhh.. I mean, with proper physical and mental preparation, you could entirely avoid those things or have immediate solutions for the challenges.

And it’s 3am now. This is bad as I sleep quite late recently. :/ I know my roommate wouldn’t be very happy about this, but gosh.. sleeping late is just…… amazingly FUN! Good night~ 

Ps: This is a non-emo post, as 'instructed' by my roommate who was wondering why i didnt blog recently.