Thursday, October 21, 2010

Relationship between Emo and Age

Do you think your emo rate is higher than before?  I do. It's weird though. Supposingly people get more experienced when they are older, and thus should be able to manage their emotion better. Apparently it is not.

Perhaps we are still receiving new kind of challenges that our emo management cannot handle. Or maybe we do not even develop the proper emo management skills. Sometimes, i just feel ridiculous that some small tiny winy problems can make me moody. Yes, it is frustrating, but i know there are many more other even worse things happening (for other people), and i am feeling sad/emo for such a minor thing? Knowing is one thing, feeling is another thing. I know that i should not feel moody for small things like these, but yet, i am still feeling emo. Maybe i'm more of a feeling person instead of a thinking person (which is further proven by some personality tests)

Anyway, i'm interested to go for any emotion management courses. Like one of my friends said, i am a little bit extreme (not moderate) on my emotion. Too easily become overjoyed, and too easily become sad. Imbalance, i think. Perhaps emotion management courses can balance it up. Is there any cheap (or free) emotion management courses/talks available?

Sometimes, i am a bit envy with my old me which is much more cheerful than now. Is it applied to everyone that when a person gets older, the happiness rate will decrease while emo rate increases? If that's true, i'm really feeling sorry for those who are sad even when they are young. It means they will be more sad when they are older? Assuming the theory is true, let's have more fun while we can,  since we are going to be more sad in the future. What a theory.

In any depression or desperate situation, i think i can tell myself :"Well, at least i used to be happy."

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Conversations with my Projects

Settings: In a very sad, dark, and solemn room. 6.50pm on Wednesday.
Main Characters: Me, Final Year Project (FYP), Information Technology Project Management Project (ITPMP)
Background: ITPMP is jealous because I don't seem to touch her for past few weeks. And she is arguing with me and she is accusing me for favoring FYP over her.

ITPMP : How could you do that to me?
Me       : Do what to you?
ITPMP : You ignored me and you like FYP more?
FYP     : No, he doesn’t.
Me       : Shhh... (to FYP), why did you say that? (to ITPMP)
ITPMP : It has been months before you touch me. (No sexual thoughts please)
Me       : What? We just submitted a progress report on you last Monday!
ITPMP : Well, you just fake that one out. We both know you never do anything about me.
Me       : (guilty) but… you are just too difficult to start with.
ITPMP : You are the one who proposed to do this system, and now you put the blame on me?  (cry out loud)  And.. and… you treat FYP much better than to me.
FYP     : Nonsense! he hasn’t touched me for weeks. Everyday I see him dealing with Personal Finance  Research Paper (PFRP), and International Finance Project (IFP) only.
PFRP   : (Angry) Don’t simply say! He has been playing with ITPM Case Study that bitch. It seems like he is  rather enjoying it.
FYP     : So you are being neglected as well? Welcome to the family!
Me       : Quiet Please! Their due dates earlier, of course I have to spend more time with them before they      ‘passed away’. Be compassionate please, you all.
ITPMP : (Sobbing) But you abandoned me for months! MONTHS!!
FYP     : ITPMP, just deal with it. Don’t cry like a baby. It’s annoying.
ITPMP : (Cry even louder)
Me       : Okay okay, I will deal with you (ITPMP) after……
ITPMP : (happier) after what? After what?
Me       : …After I finished FYP’s interim report..
ITPMP : What!?
FYP     : (big grin) Finally it’s my turn.
PFRP   : (bugging) How about me? How about me?
FYP     : (stare at PFRP) You? You slowly wait your turn la. Your due date hasn’t even been announced. And   I’m on due coming Wednesday. You can’t compete with me! Hahaha.
Me       : Er.. Sorry FYP, I forget that tomoro is due date for IFP. So, today… err.. kinda have to ignore you.
FYP     : WHAT? Then how about tomoro?
Me       : Friday is.. ITPM Case Study’s due… (oops)
FYP     : I thought you already finished them? Are you trying to cheat me?
Me       : I had finished my part, but I still have to compile them and check errors. It takes time… especially..
FYP     : Zzz
Me       : I know you all are impatient.. I had uploaded a table on your due dates. So, you all can somehow  figure out your priority based on the table. Don’t disturb me anymore.
ITPMP : You ignore me! Fine! Don’t regret.. Semester is going to end. And you need to develop a prototype  for presentation later. And you haven’t started anything yet.. Later you are going to give trouble to  yourself!
Me       : (worried) errm.. er… But your actual due date is not known yet.
ITPMP : You won’t have time when you find out the actual due date. Hmmp~ (left without bringing a cloud    [Chinese idiom]) 
Me       : She is right.. (Thinking)
PFRP   : (Disturbing) How about me?? How about me??
Me       : Shut up PFRP!    

Thursday, October 7, 2010

My Gang

'Note: This post is dedicated to my 6 members of my gang during my high school. It could be uninteresting if you dunno who are they. But anyway, if you wish to know about my high school friends or simply with the intention to kill time, you may continue reading. (dun say i didnt remind you oh~)

Before i start telling stories and describing, i have to say everything written here is only from my point of view. They might think differently and could have categorized another gang as the closest gang they had. Also, don’t be angry if you do not find yourself in the list. Definitely, you will be in somebody else’s list. And who knows the next time I write something like this, you will be in the list? Anyway, this gang is the most enjoyable and memorable gang that I have during my highschool (and now). Let me introduce them one by one in alphabetical order:

Name: Eng Kah Joon
Description: He is actually younger than all of us, coz he is a PTS student. Though he is the youngest, he probably doesn't look the youngest. Haha. I'm sure almost everyone knows the story of my BGS during standard six. And yes, he was my fighting-mate. Not the kind who fight along side with me, but the one who is fighting with me. lol. I have to admit he was one of the most 'not closest' member in the gang. He was more like a friends' friend in the gang. We don't really talk and hangout by ourselves, due to some unknown reasons (maybe not given the opportunity or don't have too identical common interest)
Recent: Glad to say, our friendship is closer now. I would have to thank facebook for that. And yes, he is more like a facebook-mate. I believe most of you know how active i am in facebook, and I'm sure he is either as active as me or even surpass me. We frequently comment on each other's walls. How about in reality? Sadly, we don't really hang out much. And he often ffk me by saying he is broke (bankrupt). But nevertheless, we are still good friends. He didn’t change much compared to last time. Probably he is more SS (syok sendiri) than before [note: he was already quite SS last time, but now even MORE SS] And i think his emo rate is higher compared to last time. Always frustrate with things that don’t run so smoothly. Anyway, I guess all of us are the same. Our emo rate is definitely higher when we are older.

Name: Ho Joon Heng
Description: He is like an observer in the gang. He doesn't really voice out his thought, and doesn’t really involve directly in most of the 'dramatic scenes' in the gang. He enjoys watching 'drama' instead of involving in the 'drama'. I'm not sure if you all get the wrong idea or not, he is not the batu api kind who enjoys watching 'dramatic events' (or maybe he is?). It's just very unlikely that he is involved in a conflict because he usually tolerates with people. Perhaps he could have been the most likable person in the gang due to his peace-minded nature. However, this doesn’t mean that he won’t become emo, when he is emo, it's like volcano eruption. Volcano that always erupts is not scary, but the sudden and rare eruption volcano is the greatest fear. He is kind in nature and seldom says no when people seek help from him. This could be a good thing or maybe a bad thing. (of coz it's a good thing to us). To me, in high school, he was more like a gang member rather than a close friend. This is because 2 of us don't really talk/hangout/play with each other a lot. Most of the time, we hang out/talk/play in a gang. And that's why he was more like a gang member.
Recent: Since he went to the Lost World (a world that is really lost, in season 6 Lost) after he moved his house for dunno how many times, there's a slight fading in terms of friendship. Luckily, our relationship is much better now because he is one of the gang members who studies at the same uni. And that breaks the 'gang-member' status to a closed friend status. It's always good to have old friend in campus. Old friends are always more trustable and sincere, in my opinion. Compare to last time, probably he is more quiet now. And his "throw-face" rate (self embarassing rate) greatly reduces recently.

Name: Ho Tet Khiun
Description: He was my best friend during high school (sad to use the word ‘was’). We went through a lot of things together, including: class-table-mate, tuition, tai chi society, librarian, staying-over, game-mate, etc… I realize most of our conversation topics are related to games and studies. We both had quite-close-to-each-other results during our high school time. We love to talk about how stupid the subjects (or the teachers) and we often make a long duration phone call on the conversation related to studies and games. We had a quite similar thinking in high school and we were closed to each other to the extent that we know what each other is thinking in our minds. We like to crap, and the most commonly used crapping style is the ‘imaginative style’. You have to really imagine the situation then only you know how hilarious it is. Many people cannot catch our craps (but I think joon heng can). I remember one funny crap is about “chia hui and kai yee doing break dance”. Because two of them are very gentle and lady-like, picturing two of them break dancing are just hilarious.   
Recent: We still contact each other quite a lot when he was in form 6. But sadly, after he went to UKM, we don’t really see each other as much as previously. Fortunately, he started to get involved into the power of internet and thus we still managed to keep in touch quite well. Our friendship does not really fade much even after he went to KL. Anyway, I believe most people notice the most obvious change he had compared to previously is his style.. in terms of appearance. He tends to follow the trend recently and unlike last time, like all of us, who did not really care how ugly we look like. 

Name: Tan Kean Zhi
Description: He is usually the ‘villain’ in the group. Not because he is very evil, but everyone tends to make him become the ‘bad person’ in the group.  In other words, we like to blame or accuse him for something he had or had not done. It’s quite cham actually, but it has become a habit among us. However, there’s a reason why I treat him like that. This is because… he always irritates me by testing my patience level. I know he isn’t purposely trying to make me angry; it’s more like he ‘naturally’ irritates me. He has the poorest speech-understanding ability in the group. And sometimes his hearing capability is not so well (plus I talk quickly and softly), I often get frustrated to repeat the same sentences to him again and again. And one more, he has a very bad sense of humour. He always succeed to make us froze with his sentences. Of course, he has his good sides. People might not notice, he is actually very helpful (to me, at least). He was my add math teacher (much better than the real teacher) during my secondary school. He also does NOT have the typical bad syndromes that other members have (slow reply sms speed, never punctual in outing). Besides his annoying attitude, I know he is a reliable friend. Whenever I face any difficulty, he could be the most ‘willing’ helper I can have.
Recent: I don’t think he has changed much. Maybe he has reduced his annoying level and probably his tolerance level. In my opinion, he is the most sensitive person in the gang. He can be very caring and careful towards your needs. And maybe that’s why he wants others to treat him the same (which sadly, in our gang, I don’t think anyone of us is as sensitive as him).
Name: Wong Ze-Hao
Description: What can I say about him? He is like destined to be my entertainment-mate. There are two main things we do together: PLAY and CRAP. He is the most flexible companion of all, which he can almost attend each and every outing invitation. Because we stay in the same neighborhood, it’s even easier for us to hang out together. We played a lot of common games and our conversation mainly based on games. And he is a great crapper… he has the ‘crap aura’ that increases my crapping skill by 30% and throw-face level by 50% when he is around. He is most probably the ‘fun’est companion to hang out with. And we can be really mad in gaming… By the way, one important trait of him is his eating capability. He is tall and thin (maybe skinny) but he can eat double or triple or quadruple of my consumption amount. Therefore, he is usually the finisher of a meal, or the backup stomach.  If your stomach cannot fit all the food that you have ordered, you can place them in his stomach. The real capacity of his stomach remains a mystery. But I witnessed him eating 7 rounds in a buffet meal. So worth the money.
Recent: Once he is away from Ipoh, we don’t really play games and hangout together due to the distance. However, the relationship doesn’t seem to be fading. Because, as long as he returns to hometown, we know… it will be an Intensive gaming time! Also, he doesn’t change much, I think. We still crap in the same way like we did in high school. Probably he has reduced his throw-face level when he is in Penang. In ipoh too, he might have restrained himself from too embarrassing himself by maybe mere 5%? Haha.        

Name: Yong Ta Lung
Description: He could be described as the most inactive member in the gang during high school. Strictly speaking, he might not be in the same gang with us during high school. Same to Kah Joon, he was more like a friend’s (zehao’s) friend at that time. The opportunity to strengthen the friendship was gone when he went to MRSM while form 4. Honestly I don’t really know him back then. Of course, we were still friends, just not much a close friend.   
Recent: Our friendship would have remained the same or worse if I had not gone to KL for my internship.  Different from others, he was the one gang mate that I hang out most frequently with when I was in KL. And from there, I began to know him more. And thus, most of his personality will be described in this ‘Recent’ section. I realize he is quite a thoughtful person. And somehow he can maintain a non-hostile position. In other words, he seldom makes people hate him (at least that’s what I think).  A bit similar like Joon Heng, he knows more how to ‘deal with people’. He is very tolerant and thus making others feel comfortable with him. Well, maybe we still aren’t very close, that’s why he did not irritate me yet, or probably it’s just his nature. Same like Kean Zhi, he is one of the most punctual members here.  And unfortunate to him, he usually has to wait for our late arrival due to his punctuality.

You might want to ask the reason I write this post. Frankly, I’m not so sure. Probably, in my final year, I feel stressed and it makes me start to appreciate friends. Or maybe, I simply want to kill time. In my opinion, the old friends are the purest friend. We become friends because we want to be friends. Sad to say, new friends (after entering uni) aren’t that ‘pure’. Although it may not be true, but I think most of our friendship are based on either common goals, mutual benefits or various situations rather than based on a true friendship. It’s not to say they aren’t good friends or they are not trustable. It’s just the feeling, it’s different. This gang I am having gives me the feeling of the naïve and pure friendship. And it is often stress-free when being with them. Well, contradict to the people’s common understanding towards the friendship/gang, I don’t really tell them my secrets or ‘heart problems’. When there’s problem, there comes sadness. I want to maintain this gang/group to be the stress-free and a gang of Joy. I don’t want to pollute it with my stressful problems. (except studies matters, which I almost shoutout everyday recently)  
Although I’m the third oldest in the gang, I feel like I am being taken care by them, especially by Kean Zhi, Joon Heng and Ta lung. And of course, without Ze Hao, Kah Joon and Tet Khiun, it will be so much less of fun in the group. I know maybe I am the ‘dictator’ of the group, maybe the most sarcastic member of the gang, maybe the fiercest person among all of us. I am grateful that you all can accept my bad behavior. Tell me if you think I have been offended you too much. I will try to change (try only). Lol.   
I sincerely hope our friendship will last, because it really has much enjoyable memory with you guys. Especially for Kah Joon and Tet Khiun who will be the future doctors, most likely they will either be arrogant or too busy to entertain us in the future. Lol. Anyway, thank you all of you for being my friends and providing me happiness. I really treasure our friendship! And good luck for our futures.  

First Mass Bday Celebration
Second Mass Bday Celebration 

Third Mass Bday Celebration   
Friends Forever 

Monday, October 4, 2010

Anti Social

I got to admit i'm having the 'anti-social mind' after my internship. It's weird though, i used to be so (too/over) friendly last time. And now, sometimes i just lazy to talk to some people. Fortunately, i am still as usual to those old buddies. But to those stranger-friends, i really tired of 'entertaining' them. Sometimes, when I saw them ahead, i would pretend i didnt see them by looking elsewhere or pretend thinking something. Of course, it's unavoidable to greet them by waving my hand slightly or a smile when we have a direct confrontation. It would be a bit rude to ignore people when they know you saw them.

Sometimes, when people invite me for some gathering or events, i would always reject the invitation. Unless it's a bunch of close friends (which rarely the case), i will not attend. Usually it's more to a situation in which a few close friends together with a few stranger-friends. And those stranger-friends are the reasons that i declined the invitation.

Hard to deny, some friends are getting more distant. They are degrading from Friends level to Stranger-friends. How could one keep the friendship working without interacting with each other?

The greatest problem of all, is i dun even try to change this anti social mind. Though i do feel quite lonely often, i do not intend to change the way it is. And i'm totally okay with the current situation.

Anyway, after my short analysis, i figure the reason of being antisocial could be one or combination of those:
1. After internship, things become dull and less interesting, thus losing the socializing spirit.
2. My batchmates are having their internship now, which makes me pretty lonely in uni. The ratio of close friends to stranger-friends is imbalance.
3. My seniors had graduated while there are many other young and super young juniors around. It makes the ratio of people-i-know to people-i-dunno imbalance.
4. I simply getting older, and not as enthusiastic as before.

Should I change?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Ilham fails me

I feel like writing a post.. but i dunno what to write. Usually this means it will be a crappy post again. but let's see, let the 'ilham' guide me.

Let's talk about Saturday. To me, saturday is a rest day or a play day. omg. so boring topic. haha.. ilham fails me. dun want to write liao. T.T