Car Accident

I had an accident last week. The good news is: I'm alive uninjured! hooray~ The bad news is: my car is going to hibernate for quite a while.

Anyway, long story short, this is how it happens:

It was raining (not heavy) and I was driving on the highway. The road is certainly wet but otherwise, my vision is clear, the sky is bright and the sun is still smiling. (like this  --> :D ) As any normal human being would be, I drove my car in 110km/h, a very lawful driver, strictly following the speed limit. (a role model to others). Then when my speed is slightly over 110km/h, i decided to slow down, so i slightly braked my car.

... It's weird that after I stepped on the brake pedal, my car actually skidded a bit. I was confused and couldn't understand why it happened. Panic stepped in. And what people do when they are in panic? Yes, I stepped on my brake pedal harder. And guess what happened? My car made an S turn, followed by an O turn. My car was actually spinning and I totally lost control of my car. Fortunately, there wasn't any car behind me, as they probably couldn't avoid hitting me (drive fast in highway) while i was spinning (taking up both lanes). So, luckily there wasnt any car, else you might be now visiting me in the hospital, or worse, mourning me in front of my grave.(hmmm.. wonder how you will react if my skeleton suddenly climbed out from the ground... eh, why am i thinking that?)

Before knowing the real reason of that accident, I actually thought i was being cursed. Well, it was impossible that my car just skidded like that, it never happened before. It was just a normal road. Perhaps i did too much sins and that was the karma, a misfortune to fall upon me.

Then after that I know the real reason, it was my tires. the treads of the tires were completely faded, it was bald! And we all know that the tires wont go bald in just few days, it indicates that i'd been driving in a great risk for several weeks or months! I totally changed my previous thought after that; instead of being cursed, i think that i was being blessed. I'm still alive driving a car with treadless tires for such a long period! What a miracle.

Anyway, this post wasnt so much on the story.. or consequences.. or what i did or what i should do to prevent this... it is about my feelings after the accident. And here it goes:
I wasnt really afraid that i was going to die when my car totally lost control. To be honest, i was puzzled, i totally did not understand why my car would lose control. I've been busy thinking bout the possibilities or reasons to explain why it happened during the spinning moment. And after it happened, and when i was safe, then only i realized how dangerous the situation was.


Life wasn't predictable. It can be just that close to death. And i;m glad that i escaped it. Imagine if this accident didnt happen, i'm certain that something similar will happen in the near future, as i totally unaware that my tires had gone spoilt. The situation could be so much worse than what im facing now. So, i think i'm really being blessed and im thankful for that.

If you had just escaped death, somehow your thoughts will slightly change. You would forget those minor silly things that bugged and annoyed you for years. And started to appreciate things. Well, this is how i feel at the moment. There really are many unimportant things that we should not bother, and many other important things that we should place as our priorities. Perhaps u would just take it for granted when you read this, but once u faced it, u will understand what i was trying to convey.

Anyway, last piece of advice, check your tires. I was told to check my tires, but i actually didnt foresee this to happen to me. What i checked was the sufficiency of air inside the tires, i totally didn't expect the treads of my tires to went off completely. I think i didn't notice it even when i was pumping air into my tires. Things can be very minor that u never think it would happen to you. But just for safety purpose, check it once a while. Emmm..  Just in case, you might as well check it right now immediately after reading this post. :-) Have a happy life ahead!

I am very disappointed with myself. I wish I can have someone to share with. I wish I have someone to rely on. And I really wish someone can help me and save me. Why it has become like this? So disappointed... WITH MYSELF!

Inspiring Conversation with my boss

Once upon a time, okay well, i actually remember the time, it was december 2011, my 38-years-old boss and I were having an outstation duty around Pahang. And since I was quite a fresh employee that time, we carpooled in his car.

SUDDENLY, we came across a theme park. There was a big dinosaur trying to eat us. I urged my boss to drive faster.. Luckily, the dinosaur didn't see us. Phew.. we managed to escape from dinosaur. Thank god!
Okay.. needless to say, that was a crap, now back to the real story below:

SUDDENLY, we came across a secluded land (area) with a lot of trees nearby which looks kinda creepy. And so the conversation between my boss and I began:
"

Me   :  Hey.. (pointing to that area) what's that place?

Boss :  (shaking his head) Dunno. Probably just a parking place.

Me   :  Actually, I know what's that place. (with a mysterious tone, my close friends would know how it sounds like)

Boss : You know? (surprised tone) What's that place? 

Me   : Once upon a time, there were 7 pretty ladies stayed there. 

Boss : Oh really?

Me   : However, they were witches and they performed ritual every night to summon the spirits of the tree.

(Before my boss spoke out any word, I resumed..)

Me   : They performed countless times of the ritual, but the summoning wasn't successful. So, they gave up and killed themselves. The End. (giving out a sad sigh)

(pause for a while)

Boss:  Very inspiring story~

"

LOL! Out of so many responses that I was expecting, "Very inspiring story~" was totally something out of my expectation. Hey, where can you get such a nice boss that you could even crap to? I'm jz lucky!

ps: the mysterious tone i mentioned above also known as the crappy tone, whenever i use that tone, my friends will know exactly that my next sentence will definitely be a crap. 

走出来了

    近期与一位好朋友反目成仇了，听起来非常幼稚，有点儿像小时候朋友们互相向对方说“不和你玩了”一样，说翻脸就翻脸；说和好就和好。可惜的是，我们不再是儿童了，我们有了那'神圣'的尊严。

    “若是能回到过去，你会选择改变当初绝交的决定吗？” 不，我不会。我已经明白自从“那件事”发生后，我们的友情已无可挽回。当彼此产生了磨擦与误会，个人的偏见将取代理智，成为毁灭友情的凶手。既然已经不能挽救，那就算了吧，也许能因此减少更多不必要的摩擦。

    如果你问我当时生气吗？当然生气！失望吗？非常失望！我不否认，我的确厌恶我那当初的好朋友。他怎么能这样做呢？为什么要把我的好心当狗吠呢？为什么要狗咬吕洞宾呢？我不能理解，为何君子之腹会被贬为小人之心？好，这还不要紧，绝交之后，我当以为一切将风平浪静，再无这些风风雨雨。谁知他竟在面子书上诋毁我、贬低我，让许多朋友发现，纷纷问我发生了什么事。我真的不能明白，他怎么这么憎恨我呢？似乎我才是那受害者啊！

    但是，今天在我漫长的驾驶途中，我忽然想通了。当心境豁达了，人也想开了。冤冤相报何时了？为什么要折腾自己呢？虽然至今我毅不能体会当初他的所做所为，也许它将成为我这一生中无可解开的迷。他或许有他的苦衷，或许我不够细心，或许他不在乎我的感受，或许或许...这都不再重要。恨他吗？当初恨！但现在我却想:为何恨？恨他不顾我的感受吗？恨他不在乎这友情吗？恨他恨我吗？？退一步海阔天空，思维也变得更清晰，不再把焦点集中在恨字上。当‘恨’被移开了，从前许许多多的愉快回忆涌入脑海中，原来我们曾经如此欢乐，如此在乎彼此，如此感谢对方给自己带来的愉悦。有些回忆是一生也不能忘怀的。所以，为什么要恨呢？不，我不恨他，反之我感激他。

    想开了，那...和好吧？不能。不是不要，是不能。有些伤口就算痊愈了，但会留下伤疤。这友情里有太多的误会，偏见，争执...可惜的是，这友情真是不能挽回了。其实人各有志，道不同，不相为谋，何必强求呢? 现在，我该做的是珍惜其他仍存在的友谊，时而怀念当时我们所拥有的愉快时光，这已经足够了。或许他依然厌恨我，但无所谓，无论如何，我，已经彻底原谅他了。冤冤相报何时了，希望哪日我们能相逢一笑泯恩仇。 

    请恭喜我，我将不再被这件事情折磨，不必再为这而变得心浮气燥、心烦意乱。因为我知道，我已经走出来了，我已经脱离这友情的枷锁，走出来了、解脱了！

Being a Fool

Do you have a friend who gets emo easily and never tell people why he/she is emo-ing about? It will leave you guessing and wondering in what sense you offended that person and caused the emo. Well, I used to have such a friend.

It was a kind gesture for me, yesterday night, to advise or remind to him that speaking out could be better, rather than letting people guessing and wondering what they had done that made him emo. My theory is simple: If the emoness is a result of miscommunication or misunderstanding, then the emoness can be resolved quickly. Thus reducing the duration and frequency of his emoness. Oh well, as expected, he disagreed with my way of handling emoness. Oh fine~ it's not that I expect him to say "oh yeah, thanks for telling, I will try to change". It's more like a "just for you to know" advice. If he takes it, then good; if he doesn't, at least I did my part as a friend.

However, things got uglier when I started to further convince/persuade him on my points. He said, that's just my personal opinion and the reason i told him this is for benefit of myself. (What?!? How does that benefit me!?) Anyway, I told him that some of our mutual friend did tell me about this, so it's not just my personal opinion, some other friends also have the similar thoughts. At that moment, suddenly he went berserk, asking me to stop judging him, (Oh? that's how he defines 'judge'?) who do I think I am to judge him and etc. Judging him? if he isnt a close friend of mine, ermm.. i mean if he wasn't a close friend of mine, i wouldn't even bother to tell him that. Telling the ugly truth needs a lot courage and strong friendship for that to happen, well, i guess our friendship is totally fragile then.

After he had gone mad, I told him if he doesn't agree with the point is okay, but there's no need to be emo about it, just ignore my advice/opinion if so. And this is the time he uses the famous analogy: " If i slap you, and say just ignore that, can or not?" When I listened to that 'analogy', I was actually having some thunderstorm in my heart, yeah anger. In his mind, my kind advice as a friend is equivalent to a slap?? If i knew he think like this, I rather slapped him hard since he probably thinks is the same, and perhaps i have more pleasure doing so. And finally, he continued went berserk and asked me to get lost.


Get lost, first time in my life people said that to me, not in a kidding tone. And it's after my effort of trying to be a good friend. Yes, I knew it beforehand that he isnt a person who likes to listen to these. But, I just couldn't resist myself to tell him that. To me, it's a responsibility of being a close friend, inform and remind that friend about the weakness, at least in my opinion. Hey, u don't wanna listen then it's okay. I just wanted to let you know what I think and what some others might think. Who knows one day you might realize what i said was right.. or if that day doesnt happen, it's alright. I just trying to be a friend, wanting to let you know, the impression u give to others when u emo. I expect you to be defensive, but not to be aggresive! I told one of my friends about this 'incident'. And my friend actually said, if i said that to him,he would thank me for telling him this. Okay, it was nice to hear that. Anyway, I did not expect to be appreciated and thanked for doing this, that's not my purpose anyway. I just want him to be a better person, at least in my own opinion. And what did i get in return? "GET LOST."

So, in conclusion, I'm trying to do a friend's duty to advice/remind a friend about his weakness and he took that as 'a slap' instead of a kind gesture and asked me to get lost. Hmmm.. what do we call this kind of person, trying to be good but ended up being 'appreciated' so badly? I call that, a fool.

Ah... and I'm that stupid fool.  

The Last Day of Our Lives

So I've been reading this novel "Before I Fall" by Lauren Oliver. It's a very enlightening novel, I would say. Don't worry there, I'm not going to blog a boring review about that book. The novel narrates how a girl spent last day of life until she encountered a fatal accident. Surprisingly, she didnt die, when she gained conscious, she was back to the beginning of the day when her alarm rang, and she experienced the same occasion as the 'Last Day' she had on her 'death day'.

Hence the question now is, how would u re-live your last day?

The protagonist in the story had (so far i've read) died and repeated her last day for 3 times d. The changes in her actions on her "Death day" had changed some of the outcomes of her last day, for example: she discovered her boy friend didnt really love her, she discovered her best friend lied to her, she discovered the person she bullied killed herself... etc..

Each and every single action we did causes different outcomes and impacts to self, people around you and people related to you. What's on my mind now was:
"Did I mistreat anyone today?"
"Am I being unjust to some people?"
"What if I did this rather than doing that?"
"What would I do if I'm about to die tonight?"

Thinking bout those questions, I realized (well, we always know this, but we seldom do it) that we can just... pass away at any moment. What should I do now so that I wouldnt regret if tonight is my last day of staying alive? After a short while, I've decided what to do. I called my mom to tell her I miss her. And I love her. I told my siblings that I love them too. I told my friends that I care for them; regardless of whether they care about me or not. I said thanks to people who really concern about me, and I appreciate their caring. I apologized to people who I've ignored or neglected, coz I know it might make a big difference to their lives, although it's from a small tiny effort from me.

Just sharing anyway, that's what I did.  And perhaps, you might wanna do the same too. We wouldn't know when and how our lives are going to be ended. If today is my last day of living, at least I had done what I wanted. "Live as though its your last day" the good old saying, I know we all aware of this, but we really need to be reminded on this.

Social Hunger

Finally reached home from that 8 hours bus ride. Damn, hate wasting all my time on the bus, doing nothing and achieving nothing. I've been thinking a lot during the 8 hours bus journey. Something I can conclude is listening songs in the bus during Night Time would really make one becomes emo. Just imagine, I can even feel sad by listening Nicki Minaj's Starship. It was meant to be a cheerful and relaxing song!

Recently, I had great mood swing. The exact reason that caused it, I'm not sure. However,I do realize that I had a strong urge in getting new friends, meeting old friends, etc. I call that: the social hunger. Desperately craving for friendship to fill up the emptiness in heart. Well, I'm aware that I'm not that lonely, but I'm really feeling lonely for no apparent reason. I'm envious of good friendship of others, I miss the old pals that gave me lots of joy, I am disappointed with some responses of the new friends but I take some of my friends' sincerity for granted. :-(  I've tried. I keep on reminding myself to appreciate those who really treat me well, and I've tried my best to do the same to them. But sometimes, i still tend to neglect their good will and take them for granted. It's that human nature to not appreciate things that you have while getting envious with things that you haven't gotten?

Now i've returned to Kuantan, a place where I live alone, eat alone and basically do everything alone. I do not have many friends here, in fact, I only have One friend who I can actually be myself. I couldnt be myself at work, for some reasons: pride, reputation, impression, etc... And I dislike wearing mask when dealing with colleagues. Furthermore, being the Only Chinese in my company does make my social life incomplete. Not that I'm racist, but language barrier and generation gap are the real factors that barricade the friendship between my colleagues and me. Yes, I am lonely and that's why I eagerly involve myself in the virtual world to seek for friendship in order to stop my social hunger.

Perhaps I've been expecting too much from others. I need distractions, either from novels or from pc games to keep my mind occupied, so that i wouldnt think too much and made myself emo.
Actually, I know I'm not alone but I'm feeling forever alone. This isn't right!

Between Forgiveness and Cruelty

" It's just a minor conflict of opinions, why you have to make it seem so serious?"

" What's over is over, the thing you should be doing now is to fix this."

" You know you care about the friendship, and because of this, do something about it"

" It isn't very difficult to you to repair this broken friendship, is it?"

- Forgiveness Mode

" If the person care, he/she will do something about it."
" It's ridiculous that the person will get angry for simple things like this, there will be second, third, ... time in the future."
" Why should you give in so much effort to save something that that person doesn't even appreciate?"
" Don't be a fool, things will never going to be the same again."

- Cruelty Mode


From morning till midnight, I've been changing 'modes' from time to time, between saving the friendship or letting it go. A weird person, am I? Having a Mother Teresa's heart at one time while having Nazi's cruelty at another time. It's not the first time I experienced this, perhaps I really have split personalities. hmmm... any psychological doctor pls?

Going to turn 23 soon.

Time flies, April 14th already.

This indicates I am going to turn 23 years old very soon. I still remember when I was 21 (internship), i used to have the other interns who were 23 years old working in the same company, telling them that they are old. And now, without noticing, I'm the one who is in this 'old' age.

22nd year was not a very nice year. There were many ups and downs, like dramas. But, I survived. And I grow up from that. People say, we learn from mistakes. Indeed, it's very true. I think I am more mature comparatively, I suppose partly is due to the fact that I am now a 'working adult'.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's over, and I begin my new life in Kuantan. Inspired by my brother, I hid my birthdate at facebook. So, people won't get a friendly reminder to tell them "it's my birthday, faster wish me happy birthday". I don't expect many people remember though, but for those who remember, thank you very much. :-)

Perhaps you are interested on why I hid my birth date, the rationale are as below;

1. Birthday wishes from hi-bye friends, or even 'friends' who are not really.. friends.. if you know what i mean. It's unnecessary. I won't feel grateful or appreciative if these people wish me birthday.
2. I'm getting lazy to wish people happy birthday recently. But I will feel guilty if they wish me while i didn't wish them. But Hey, hiding my birthdate definitely will reduce great sum of people wishing me birthday. And there goes my guilt, simple and easy.
3. It's interesting to know who really remember your birthday without needing a reminder from facebook. (i dont expect much, could be zero). Those who remember my birthday might not be my best friends, but at least it will let me to know that they are really care about me. Oh? you can't remember my birthdate? Don't worry, I'm not going to be mad.. Coz.. i cant remember yours too. lol.

Hmm..
About birthday present..
As usual, please dont give me decorative items.. I don't know where to put them. They only bathe in dust if you give them to me. Give me something useful, like ties, shirt, pen, bag, watch, specs, whatever usable items. I will be very grateful. Haha. Of course, the birthday gift must come from total willingness. Forced gifts means nothing, I don't accept insincere gifts, no matter how valuable they are. (erm.. if you give me a condo or bungalow, this i can consider.. lol)

Well, I know i long time never update the blog, nor visit your blogs.. Here to say hi to everyone, I'm still alive. Still handsome, still smart, still .. ah~~ you know la. Just fill in any positive adjectives, that will be me! haha. Okay, I'm still as thick face as ever. (Virtually only, i'm very shy in real life. *blush*) hahahaha.

For those who dunno my birthdate but found out my birthdate from some sources, please inform me, i want to delete/remove that info too. Happy be-earliered birthay to myself... haha.

Split Personality

I recently notice I have split personality.

Sometimes i like something very much, then sometimes i dislike something.. very random.

For example,

Case 1:
Friday 10am, I dislike a person.
Then afternoon 3pm, I like a person very much.
Then at night, I think that person is a bit annoying.
Midnight, I miss that person...

Case 2:
Morning: I'm very excited on the outing on friday.
Afternoon: I dont think i want to go to the outing.
Night: I should have just slept.. don't waste time.
Midnight: So looking forward to the outing..

Case 3:
That item looks decent... first glance
That item is ugly.. not worth the price at all.. after a while.
Waste of my time, should have left it earlier.
Left: Actually that item quite nice one, should have purchased it.

Is it just me? or everyone has this split 'mind' as well.. (i suppose case 3 is quite common)

Friends Bin

I feel some friends are really needed to be throw into rubbish bin.
Is my expectation too high? I think so.

Actually, I'm not being selfish.. It's just that I loved myself more than anyone would.
You, him and her... should just go into rubbish bin! farewell.. no no.. no farewell. i dun wanna c u again.

Nostalgic Songs

I’m listening songs.. instead of playing the recent playlist, this time I play all the old + new songs in shuffle mode.  Some songs really give me nostalgia. How magical music is!

There are certain songs that have hidden link to certain people. When I listen to that song, immediately I will link that song to that person. Fascinating, isn’t it?

Jay’s 稻香 reminded me of my Indochina trip, as I use that song as my alarm.. Damn good to be used as alarm, with the ‘nature’ sounds in the starting of the song.  WenPin, Calvin, Kylie, still remember how early we had to wake up to see sunrises? Lol. I remember the exact moment we had to climb up early and sit at the freaking cold tuk-tuk. 

We Walk by The Ting Tings directly links to Wernyet. He was the one who recommended me this song. I wouldn’t like this song, not until he told me to imagine the feeling of ‘walking’ to class(somewhere) while listening this song.

Jolin’s 骑士精神 no doubt reminded me of KeanZhi with our high school lyrics memorizing spree. Well, we did sing quite badly, but we enjoyed it. People around us surely hate us. Ah.. I remember another song: 舞娘 by Jolin. He surely knows why I would relate this song to him.

Soba ni Iru Ne (J pop) and Greatest (Gaga) totally reminded me of someone. You know who. It was one of the greatest moments. I miss it, I really do.

Who’s that chick by Rihanna and Billionaire by Bruno Mars reminded me of my ex-roommate Tee. He made me like the song, Billionaire. Who’s that chick is the song we always listen in radio while driving out to lunch & dinner. Of coz, this includes the gang JuiBoon and Chang Hua.

Yeng Lee’s brought me classic old songs..  the one that I remembered most is 相愛很難 by Jacky Cheong and Kak Mui. Realllly really a very touching and loving song.

张玉华’s 雪花飘 and her other songs are definitely my brother’s influence. Without him, I wouldn’t even know who’s the singer. 

Ah Mei’s 我最亲爱的 reminded me with Wansin, for some reason that I’m sure she knows why. Miss singing K with her, one of the best K-mates. Although sometimes she will ter-cry while singing… :O lol.

Zombie by cranberries reminded me of Fahmi, my neighbor.. last time while I was in foundation. Haha. He played guitar on this song I guess or his roommate/blockmate. A very great song, I would like to hear him singing again.

Jay’s 我不配 made me think of Wen Pin, and also Yeng Lee. I actually miss the moments where we sang loudly in YengLee’s room. Haha. So sorry to the neighbors for the sound pollution.

I dunno why, but LeeHom’s心跳 made me think of Joon Heng. Although I’m very thankful that he introduced me the legendary “A thousand years” by C.Perri. That’s so amazing! And also, his 你是我的小小鸟 is pretty memorable too. The shrieking voice is not easily produced by any human being. lol

Guess what, Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars reminded me of Talung told me how ZeHao kacau and woke him up just to ask him simple question about this song. Lol.

Beyonce’s Listen -> definitely Talung. He exposed me to this song, not by Beyonce’s voice, but his own voice. You ought to listen to him singing this song. It’s awesome! If he’s singing the other bitchy songs, forget it, you can go for toilet break or something.. there’s no need to stay and listen. Lol.

Lady gaga’s born this way is direct influence by Kar Kar (Kar Wai).. He’s a super duper gaga fan. Totally a living gagapedia.. I think you can get any answer related to gaga from him.

Richard is the one who introduced me CN Blue’s Love. It’s totally amazing! Not much Kpop could attract me that deeply though.

Okay, Better in Time by Leona Lewis links me to TetKhiun. It has been his caller ringtone for quite a long duration few years ago.. Still expecting to listen this C.R.Tone when I called him, haha.

Freeloop reminded me of my another bro, phooi nam. I recall listening this song in his car. Love being the passenger rather than the driver.. enjoy being fetched home. Haha. Had a great outings back then when I was at KL.

Vanilla Twilight by Owlcity links me to Chang Hua; or also known as Vanilla Ice cream by him.  A very nice song if you really listen it with full focus.

There’re still many other nostalgic songs in my mind.. But I suppose I should not make this post any longer.. Don’t be disappointed if your name isn’t mentioned here, maybe next time.. (or Never! <-that’s more likely the truth, lol.) Good night, everyone. Perhaps you would like to download the songs I mentioned up there. There were all worth listening if you hadn’t listened them before. I’m sure everyone has their song-diary like mine. Songs are magical, don’t you agree? ;) 

Travelling & Vacation

Was glancing through my friend's blog --> on his vacation in Paris.

Oh well, I have to admit, I'm just glancing through.. looking at the pictures only.. I've been too lazy to read them all. It's not that I am about to go visit that place anytime soon; i've never pictured myself being in Paris anyway.
And that's the issue! I've never pictured myself in Paris or elsewhere.. It's like a dream to me.. Is it my destiny to stuck in Msia whole time?

Thinking bout winter.. thinking bout friendly people.. and thinking bout going wild from my  'shell' that serves to protect my image. I'm a coward.. and i actually wanna run away from many things.. i suppose having a vacation at a place far far away would give me some mental sanctuary, i hope.

Going alone, seems too lonely.. although there's more freedom, flexibility and perhaps some lone ranger's joy. But I wouldnt survive. I know i'm not a independent type of person, though i'm not too dependent either. I would prefer someone to be togetherwhen we had hardship.. or enjoy the precious moments. Joy is to be shared.. If we couldn't share our happiness with others, perhaps the happiness is not much of a happiness in that case.

Anyway, i'm babbling too much. Even myself not really sure what's the motive of posting this. Is this an invitation post to others so that they could invite me for trip along? haha.. Probably yes!

Lonelyman and Boredom

A lonely man

shall keep himself occupied

and never feel bored

because..

boredom will make him realized

that he's indeed...

lonely...