Social Hunger

Finally reached home from that 8 hours bus ride. Damn, hate wasting all my time on the bus, doing nothing and achieving nothing. I've been thinking a lot during the 8 hours bus journey. Something I can conclude is listening songs in the bus during Night Time would really make one becomes emo. Just imagine, I can even feel sad by listening Nicki Minaj's Starship. It was meant to be a cheerful and relaxing song!

Recently, I had great mood swing. The exact reason that caused it, I'm not sure. However,I do realize that I had a strong urge in getting new friends, meeting old friends, etc. I call that: the social hunger. Desperately craving for friendship to fill up the emptiness in heart. Well, I'm aware that I'm not that lonely, but I'm really feeling lonely for no apparent reason. I'm envious of good friendship of others, I miss the old pals that gave me lots of joy, I am disappointed with some responses of the new friends but I take some of my friends' sincerity for granted. :-(  I've tried. I keep on reminding myself to appreciate those who really treat me well, and I've tried my best to do the same to them. But sometimes, i still tend to neglect their good will and take them for granted. It's that human nature to not appreciate things that you have while getting envious with things that you haven't gotten?

Now i've returned to Kuantan, a place where I live alone, eat alone and basically do everything alone. I do not have many friends here, in fact, I only have One friend who I can actually be myself. I couldnt be myself at work, for some reasons: pride, reputation, impression, etc... And I dislike wearing mask when dealing with colleagues. Furthermore, being the Only Chinese in my company does make my social life incomplete. Not that I'm racist, but language barrier and generation gap are the real factors that barricade the friendship between my colleagues and me. Yes, I am lonely and that's why I eagerly involve myself in the virtual world to seek for friendship in order to stop my social hunger.

Perhaps I've been expecting too much from others. I need distractions, either from novels or from pc games to keep my mind occupied, so that i wouldnt think too much and made myself emo.
Actually, I know I'm not alone but I'm feeling forever alone. This isn't right!