Wish I am still a kid

"Oh~~ darling don't you ever grow up~"

I wish I am still a kid.

no stress
no expectation
thus no disappointment

having delightful days
upset over tiny matters
and back to cheerful mood within seconds

taken care by elder siblings
loved and pampered by parents
while still complaining that the love given was not enough

that time,
when i was sick
they fed me food

that time,
when i was asleep
they made sure i was covered by blanket

and now I'm alone
knowing nothing
yet trying to be independent

afraid of meeting new friends
disgusted by their ugly fakeness
threatened by their potential betrayal

scared of getting close to friends
worried that i'll get over dependent on the friendship
anxious that our friendship may fade away and never come back

fear of having a girl friend
i dont know if i'm ready and..
i dont want to break someone's heart again

understanding the world
selfishness greed jealousy and violence
even the kindest person may fall into these traps

i'm disappointed
i'm upset
mainly on myself
that i failed to..
..become the ideal 'me' that i wish to be.

"oh~i dont wanna grow up
wish i'd never grown up.
it could still be simple.."