Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Wish I am still a kid


"Oh~~ darling don't you ever grow up~"

I wish I am still a kid.

no stress
no expectation
thus no disappointment

having delightful days
upset over tiny matters
and back to cheerful mood within seconds

taken care by elder siblings
loved and pampered by parents
while still complaining that the love given was not enough

that time,
when i was sick
they fed me food

that time,
when i was asleep
they made sure i was covered by blanket

and now I'm alone
knowing nothing
yet trying to be independent

afraid of meeting new friends
disgusted by their ugly fakeness
threatened by their potential betrayal

scared of getting close to friends
worried that i'll get over dependent on the friendship
anxious that our friendship may fade away and never come back

fear of having a girl friend
i dont know if i'm ready and..
i dont want to break someone's heart again

understanding the world
selfishness greed jealousy and violence
even the kindest person may fall into these traps

i'm disappointed
i'm upset
mainly on myself
that i failed to..
..become the ideal 'me' that i wish to be.

"oh~i dont wanna grow up
wish i'd never grown up.
it could still be simple.."

2 comments:

Wei Han said...

i always know how much i love myself..
and now, i just realized how much i hate myself.

...

mushroom said...

1. don't feel afraid of meeting new people, among them you'll find few true friends.
2. agree with u that friendship makes us become a bit dependent.
3. i received an advice from more than one person that if you still feel scared of having bf/gf, you're not ready for love yet. fate will bring someone to you someday, be patient :)
4. i don't think you fail to be an ideal one. because as your old coursemate, i admire you and cheah hui. you two are honest, smart, hardworking... don't use the word "failed", you are on the way to become an "ideal" you ;) you have a vision that to become an ideal you, a mission to pass all "ideal you" criteria, objective is to live a happy life, goal is a happy ending.
it's been a long time, i don't think i remember Dr. Alan Downe's lecture well, hope that i didn't apply the theory in a wrong way huhu :(