Sunday, November 20, 2011

Loneliness and Friends

I've been lonely for days... hiding in my room read novels and watch series most of the time. There's mixed feelings within me. Sometimes I think i don't need friends at all; sometimes i miss some of my old buddies back then; sometimes i hate some of my old friends for some reasons that cannot be revealed; and sometimes i think some of my 'friends' are useless and not worthy to be 'thought' as friends anymore.

Useless Friends
Let's begin with these useless friends who arent worthy to be considered as your friends at all. Do you realize that you actually have a lot of 'junk' friends. Just like your inbox, there are many mails. And sometimes there are some junk mails and spams that you don't need and never give you benefits at all. It will be good if we can categorize them well and place them separately. But sometimes, we did not notice that, some of the junk mails or spams are actually stored in our inbox. Just like what happened in our friendship context, some of the friends are junk and rubbish, but we thought they are friends. That's so wrong. It's time to reorganize my inbox to filter out some of the junk mails from it.

Hated Friends
There's contradicting feelings towards a friend sometimes, mostly happened to friends who are very close to us or used to be very close to us. It's a complicated feeling, i love them but hate them at the same time. Anyway, I dont wish to talk about this in detailed.

Lovely Friends
I really miss some of my buddies back then. I enjoyed talkin to them, hanging out with them and i miss those moments. Too bad, they are very far from me, and i suppose.. what i can do is continue missing them; and that's it.

Don't need Friends
And too bad, most of the time when I'm reading novel or watching series, i think i dont need any friends. And sometimes i neglected my old friends, and i'm sure some of them are pretty used to it.

After about 1 week of me complaining bout loneliness when i moved into Kuantan, i just noticed something. I realized i'm lonely not because it's forced by the environment, surroundings or people. It's because i chose to be alone, how ironic is that. Analyzing it, i listed out the potential reasons for it:
  1. I don't need friends. Most of the time I'm dating with my laptop for novels and series, ignoring everything else
  2. I'm getting to picky in selecting new friends. When we are older, we are wiser and more brilliant, sometimes it's just very easy to see through the real intentions of people's actions and behavior. They aren't looking for friends, they are just looking at the benefits of befriending you.
  3. I avoid meeting or getting close with new friends. I'm not comfortable and not ready to meet new friends and get close with them. Probably i miss my old buddies so much that it would disappoint me if they are not up to my expectation.
In conclusion, I'm lonely... and will ever be lonely... unless and until I'm ready to walk out from the lone-rangerhood.


Bong Way Kiat aka SexyMama said...

dont la like that..u got me..another useless

Wei Han said...

no la, u arent in that category.
still useful. lol

mushroom said...

1. Sometimes i also don't need friends, wanna be alone, i think everyone is same lah

2. Friends are hardly to find mah, don't worry if u think u r picky 2 choose friends.

3. It takes time to find new friends, but i'm sure gradually you'll find few ;)