Between Forgiveness and Cruelty

" It's just a minor conflict of opinions, why you have to make it seem so serious?"

" What's over is over, the thing you should be doing now is to fix this."

" You know you care about the friendship, and because of this, do something about it"

" It isn't very difficult to you to repair this broken friendship, is it?"

- Forgiveness Mode

" If the person care, he/she will do something about it."
" It's ridiculous that the person will get angry for simple things like this, there will be second, third, ... time in the future."
" Why should you give in so much effort to save something that that person doesn't even appreciate?"
" Don't be a fool, things will never going to be the same again."

- Cruelty Mode


From morning till midnight, I've been changing 'modes' from time to time, between saving the friendship or letting it go. A weird person, am I? Having a Mother Teresa's heart at one time while having Nazi's cruelty at another time. It's not the first time I experienced this, perhaps I really have split personalities. hmmm... any psychological doctor pls?

Going to turn 23 soon.

Time flies, April 14th already.

This indicates I am going to turn 23 years old very soon. I still remember when I was 21 (internship), i used to have the other interns who were 23 years old working in the same company, telling them that they are old. And now, without noticing, I'm the one who is in this 'old' age.

22nd year was not a very nice year. There were many ups and downs, like dramas. But, I survived. And I grow up from that. People say, we learn from mistakes. Indeed, it's very true. I think I am more mature comparatively, I suppose partly is due to the fact that I am now a 'working adult'.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's over, and I begin my new life in Kuantan. Inspired by my brother, I hid my birthdate at facebook. So, people won't get a friendly reminder to tell them "it's my birthday, faster wish me happy birthday". I don't expect many people remember though, but for those who remember, thank you very much. :-)

Perhaps you are interested on why I hid my birth date, the rationale are as below;

1. Birthday wishes from hi-bye friends, or even 'friends' who are not really.. friends.. if you know what i mean. It's unnecessary. I won't feel grateful or appreciative if these people wish me birthday.
2. I'm getting lazy to wish people happy birthday recently. But I will feel guilty if they wish me while i didn't wish them. But Hey, hiding my birthdate definitely will reduce great sum of people wishing me birthday. And there goes my guilt, simple and easy.
3. It's interesting to know who really remember your birthday without needing a reminder from facebook. (i dont expect much, could be zero). Those who remember my birthday might not be my best friends, but at least it will let me to know that they are really care about me. Oh? you can't remember my birthdate? Don't worry, I'm not going to be mad.. Coz.. i cant remember yours too. lol.

Hmm..
About birthday present..
As usual, please dont give me decorative items.. I don't know where to put them. They only bathe in dust if you give them to me. Give me something useful, like ties, shirt, pen, bag, watch, specs, whatever usable items. I will be very grateful. Haha. Of course, the birthday gift must come from total willingness. Forced gifts means nothing, I don't accept insincere gifts, no matter how valuable they are. (erm.. if you give me a condo or bungalow, this i can consider.. lol)

Well, I know i long time never update the blog, nor visit your blogs.. Here to say hi to everyone, I'm still alive. Still handsome, still smart, still .. ah~~ you know la. Just fill in any positive adjectives, that will be me! haha. Okay, I'm still as thick face as ever. (Virtually only, i'm very shy in real life. *blush*) hahahaha.

For those who dunno my birthdate but found out my birthdate from some sources, please inform me, i want to delete/remove that info too. Happy be-earliered birthay to myself... haha.

Lessons learned from Titanic

Titanic is such a great movie... besides its story of romance and its historical value, there are so much messages in it. Reallly one of the greatest movie, I'm sure you will learn additional lessons whenever u repeat watching it. These are some of the messages i observed and remember:

1. When Titanic leaves the port, those people who are aboard have no idea they are heading to the path of deaths while the people who couldn't go on board are envy of people who could. Can you tell who's fortunate and who's unfortunate now? Can we certain that the situation we are in are worse than the others whom you envy?
2. Rose is the lady.. the lady of the family, of high class family where every lady is expected to behave like a lady. Be gentle, polite.. and restricted. The mens are talking bout business and money on the ship. The third class peoples are having fun in their own parties, beers, dances and songs.. Who lives a happier life?
3. What the boss said could be wrong, and sometimes we had to insist on our stands. The boss asked to speed up the ship, and there it goes.. unable to make a halt or turn in time to avoid the iceberg. 
4. The world has always consist of 2 kinds of people, the noble ones and the selfish ones. Most people are selfish, i admit i would do whatever i could to stay alive. The crews on the ship are admirable, including those who serve people, who gave ppl the life jackets, who coordinate the escape, who play the music.. they all died, with honour. Those who survived by doing improper actions are bound to deal with their guilt forever. Thus, make sure we did not do things that we were ashamed of, die honourably is better than live shamefully.
5. Everyone is touched by the romance between rose and jack, and think of rose's mother and fiancée as the villain. From their point of views, if you are Rose's mother.. definiltey you would do the same. hope the daughter married to a financially strong man while saving the family situation, with element of sacrificing her daughter marriage. And if you are rose's fiancee, what the hell! ur fiancee is having an affair with another guy. And you actually didnt really do anything wrong that deserves that. (the act of violence comes up after Rose's been hanging out with Jack) I would have taken the gun and shoot the guy as well.. or perhaps the woman.. if i'm really in anger.
6. Bribery exist in every kind of situation. Human nature of greed. But in times of desperate moments, even bribes would do no effect in those situations.  
7. While clinging on the 'board' waiting for helps, jack keeps on encouraging and motivating Rose to stay strong, stay alive. Well, did Rose support Jack to keep strong and stay alive? More than half of his body is still in the water.. and he didnt complain bout being cold, and tired. what he did instead was to try his best to encourage and support rose while forcing her to make a promise to not give up. Jack sacrifices unconditionally.. and for Rose's part, do not always think of receiving.. think of the people who are giving actually need the exact same thing they are giving. 

That's all came out from my mind at the moment. I'm sure there are so much more hidden lessons in it, that i've mis-looked or forgotten. Feel free to share out what others messages you obtain from it, if not stated here.

Loneliness and Friends

I've been lonely for days... hiding in my room read novels and watch series most of the time. There's mixed feelings within me. Sometimes I think i don't need friends at all; sometimes i miss some of my old buddies back then; sometimes i hate some of my old friends for some reasons that cannot be revealed; and sometimes i think some of my 'friends' are useless and not worthy to be 'thought' as friends anymore.

Useless Friends
Let's begin with these useless friends who arent worthy to be considered as your friends at all. Do you realize that you actually have a lot of 'junk' friends. Just like your inbox, there are many mails. And sometimes there are some junk mails and spams that you don't need and never give you benefits at all. It will be good if we can categorize them well and place them separately. But sometimes, we did not notice that, some of the junk mails or spams are actually stored in our inbox. Just like what happened in our friendship context, some of the friends are junk and rubbish, but we thought they are friends. That's so wrong. It's time to reorganize my inbox to filter out some of the junk mails from it.

Hated Friends
There's contradicting feelings towards a friend sometimes, mostly happened to friends who are very close to us or used to be very close to us. It's a complicated feeling, i love them but hate them at the same time. Anyway, I dont wish to talk about this in detailed.

Lovely Friends
I really miss some of my buddies back then. I enjoyed talkin to them, hanging out with them and i miss those moments. Too bad, they are very far from me, and i suppose.. what i can do is continue missing them; and that's it.

Don't need Friends
And too bad, most of the time when I'm reading novel or watching series, i think i dont need any friends. And sometimes i neglected my old friends, and i'm sure some of them are pretty used to it.

After about 1 week of me complaining bout loneliness when i moved into Kuantan, i just noticed something. I realized i'm lonely not because it's forced by the environment, surroundings or people. It's because i chose to be alone, how ironic is that. Analyzing it, i listed out the potential reasons for it:

1. I don't need friends. Most of the time I'm dating with my laptop for novels and series, ignoring everything else
2. I'm getting to picky in selecting new friends. When we are older, we are wiser and more brilliant, sometimes it's just very easy to see through the real intentions of people's actions and behavior. They aren't looking for friends, they are just looking at the benefits of befriending you.
3. I avoid meeting or getting close with new friends. I'm not comfortable and not ready to meet new friends and get close with them. Probably i miss my old buddies so much that it would disappoint me if they are not up to my expectation.

In conclusion, I'm lonely... and will ever be lonely... unless and until I'm ready to walk out from the lone-rangerhood.

Vision, mission, objectives, goals and targets.

Don't worry, this post is not going to teach you what's the difference between vision, mission, objectives, goals and targets. We'd always see/hear/feel/touch/sense about these words from classes, company, proposals or sometimes even from advertisement. Let me tell you, these words are actually very important. It's essential to at least have one vision/mission/objective/goal or target in your life. Else, you would be living for nothing, like me now.

Me -> a lazy person. Define lazy: Lazy is an adjective to describe a person who is not willing to do work that requires effort. As a lazy person, I am reluctant to do something extra from what I need. I need to eat, sleep, play, have fun~ those are something that I need, thus my laziness will not stop me from doing those. Helping people, pleasing people, slapping people and killing people are something that I don't need. Thus, laziness is one of the factors that can hinder me from doing them. To do something that I don't need, I require motivation or rewards. Vision/mission/objective/goal or target are some of the examples that could motivate me.

Okay,back to the topic. I'm now visionless, missionless, objectiveless, goaless and targetless. So, basically nothing can drive and motivate me to do something. Unlike my school life, although I'm still visionless and missionless, I have goals and targets. My target is to get good result in particular semester or year. And my goal is to acquire a good job. However, now I have started working. And I lost my goal and target. And I'm idle.. living like zombie or a useless person.

Recalling what I learned from my course, goal and objective has to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-constraint. For example, getting a 4 flat in each semester fulfills SMART: it's specific; it's measurable; it's attainable; it's relevant and it has a time constraint. But now, I have none of such goal. I have no motivation to do anything other than eat play sleep and have fun. I'm doomed!

Most people have a vision of becoming somebody, mission of achieving something, objective of being what kind of person, goal of getting this and that as well as a target of reaching something. I have NONE! Again, i repeat, I'm doomed! I wish i could be more ambitious. It's not easy to find a purpose in my job though, coz my work currently is... speechless.

Anyway, this post is just to tell you that: you gotta have Vision, mission, objectives, goals and targets in your life. It is necessary!

Hey, let's find a day to meet up.

"Hey, long time no c, find one day yum cha lo"
"Where are you now? I'm there too, maybe one day we can meet up"
"Perhaps someday we can watch movie together"
"Let's try to meet up and have lunch one day.."

I think I'd said that countless times. However, it's just 'saying' but there's no actual implementation of the 'saying'. Perhaps it has become one of the favourite line in a typical conversation. Or maybe those words are free to use, so i've been using it so many times without restriction.

Anyway, i did meet up with some close friends this weekend; and i really did enjoy hanging out with them. Hope our friendship wouldn't fade so easily.

By the way, let me say something that is out of the topic. As i mentioned in facebook, i had a weird dream yesterday night. lol. It was.... I also dunno how to describe. In that dream, I am actually receiving advices from non-existent dream friends on... which brand of condom is better to use. LOL. I dunno why i had such dream... It's just a short scene though, and that's the start and the end of the dream. Sorry to disappoint you if you do expect more plots from the dream. haha

Stunningly Light, Powerfully Beautiful

I finally got my new laptop! It costs me (my dad to be exact) for RM2899 although the market price is around RM3000-RM3100. Let me briefly explain to you the reason of its pricing by listing out the features.

1. i5-480M Processor, 2.66GHz - i5 is considered to be quite sufficient for normal usage. 
2. 4gb DDR3 RAM - Nothing much special. Laptop nowadays usually has 4gb ram which is quite sufficient for smooth usage.
3. geforce 310M Graphic Card - Not a very powerful graphic card. It is actually quite embarrassing to say that this is a good graphic card. Perhaps it is just enough to play games that is released recently in medium or low resolution. Laptops of price range RM2k usually have better graphic cards than this.
4. USB 3.0 - Only the newer laptop and expensive-er laptop has this feature. We can't deny that in the future, USB 3.0 is going to be something very common.  
5. Weight of 1.66kg - Perhaps this is the most expensive feature of the laptop. Light and mobility. It is one of the slimmest laptop available (1.9cm) and it provides a long battery life (6-9 hours).

As I mentioned earlier, it's not exaggerating to say that low weight is the most expensive feature of the laptop. For those who are not so pro in computing world, it is the limiting factor of all the other features. In fact, usually the low weight laptop (netbook) has very limited processing power. In other words, usually the laptops have slower speed because of factors such as cooling, power reservation and others. But for this laptop, to be both "stunningly LIGHT and POWERFULLY beautiful", it's not an easy task. Same to the graphic cards, the more powerful graphic cards usually are bigger and take more space and require better cooling systems. Therefore, the graphic card of this laptop can't be too powerful. Anyway, this laptop has actually 2 graphic cards, Intel HD for weak graphic usage but consume less energy while NVDIA GEForce for higher graphic requirement but no power reservation. It is a pretty cool feature to have switchable graphic cards though.

Before i bought this laptop, I actually have a little dilemma in choosing between this laptop and another better performance laptop which costs even cheaper (RM100 cheaper). The other laptop has i7 processor which is super duper cool and GEForce 540m which is a graphic card much better than mine. The only weakness is that laptop is bulky and does not support USB 3.0. Well, it is very tempting to buy that one due to its cool feature. i7 processor wei! and 540m graphic card! Two great features in such reasonable price. But the reason i chose to purchase this laptop instead is because: firstly, according to experts, i7 wouldn't give much difference to i5 processors in terms of speed. The difference wouldn't be too obvious to the eyes of the users. In other words, we can't really feel the fastness of i7 processors over i5 processors. Secondly, we all know laptop isnt going to be great for gaming. So, i decided to take this laptop with lower graphic capability to enjoy the benefit of light weight. For gaming purpose, maybe desktop in the future? let's just see how in the future.

Okay, the long awaiting part of the post: pictures! enjoy~

Isnt it slim?

Quite cool, isnt it? :D

The Front

When I said slim, i meant it!

Last Picture of the Post

Forgiving

I just realized I am actually a very forgiving person. This actually contradicts with what I always think. From what I understand about myself, I'm a vengeful person who will take revenge or bear the hatred forever and ever... if someone mistreated me.

But I'm wrong. I can hate a person so so so so much and turn out to be 'okay to forgive' the next day. This is just weird. How could this happen? Let me describe it using some make-up stories:

Story 1:

Someone scolded me. I hate that someone because he is an idiot himself. Then my thought ventures further and further.... and I become more and more emo and hate that person more and more and more and more for God knows how many hours, days, weeks ... I'll never forgive that person!!

Story 2:

Someone scolded me. I hate that someone because he is an idiot himself. Then my thought ventures further and further.... and I become more and more emo and hate that person more and more and more and more~ ... BUT suddenly, let's say I won lottery and get RM1000. Then I'm so excited and i will forgive most of the people in the LIST OF HATRED. haha.

Conclusion:

Based on the two stories above, we can conclude that, I will transform from a vengeful person to a forgiving person if and only if I am happy. So, tips for you guys: Just try to make me happy, the possibility of being forgiven is much higher. haha.

ps: It has a reverse effect, I hate people more when I'm emo.

Open-One-Eye;Close-One-Eye

As a sociable human, we have to learn how to open one eye and close another eye. Of course, i don't literally mean that we have to actually close an eye while communicating or socializing. Open-One-Eye;Close-One-Eye is actually originated from Chinese saying which means: "ignoring something that you care for a good cause" .

There are too many things in this world appears to be inappropriate to us. Unfortunately, we aren't god. We can't change everything to make it follows our preference. Therefore, sometimes, we just have to ignore things that don't really matter to us.

I admit I am a control freak. Hence, it is a bit more difficult for me to ignore things. But i will try to change, coz I'm Wei Han. haha..

Law of Wei Han #1:
Everything is possible to achieve if Wei Han is determined in doing it.

Ps: Too bad, the only flaw of the law above is: Wei Han seldom has the determination to do something.

Batch Dinner

It's a good thing that we are having a batch dinner. It's at 8pm later. And i've totally no idea on what to wear. Decorating stuffs is never my expertise. And of course, decorating myself is not something I good with. It is always a hassle for me to make a decision on what should i wear, how should i style my hair and stuffs... coz i'm really bad at it... and lazy at it. haha... I believe that if a person is nice in nature, he/she will always appear to be very good looking regardless. So, from the statement above, we can conclude that i will always look nice right? haha. Just joking. In fact, I do believe make-up or the effort of trying to groom one's appearance does make a lot of difference, but too bad, i'm just not good at it.

Anyway, let's ignore that issue right now. I didn't plan to go to the batch dinner initially. I never like to go to these occasion bcoz of few reasons: 1. money concern; 2. attire concern; 3. time concern; I actually rejected the invitation to go to this dinner several times. But at the end, i changed my mind and decided to attend this dinner because... well... this is my last semester as a student. And for the last-time sake, why not? Sadly, a lot of my close batchmates aren't attending. So, i actually take this dinner as a course dinner instead of a batch dinner. Let's hope that we would have lots of fun tonight.

Okay, what and how should i wear? the theme is black white red. And looking at my closet, i know that i only have very limited 'dinner attire' clothing. Totally no idea. Wear a black shirt plus jeans? that's the only thing i have in mind. If i'm just going to have a black shirt accompanied with a formal slack, it will look like i'm going for an interview. People are going to wear coat maybe, but i dun have one. I don't intend to be the most high profile and eye catching person there, so i dont plan to wear something outside the box. This is a tough decision, perhaps i should just wear a white singlet.. It somehow fits the theme. hahaha.. Anyway, i intend to take a lot pictures today.. Should i learn and practice how to do some posing now? haha.

Label

In terms of human relationship, labeling is one of the most scary thing. Based on Wilford's Dictionary, labeling means put a strong and permanent impression on somebody. In other words, when a person labels somebody, it means that somebody has given a very strong and permanent impression/image to that person.

Examples?

1. If you label someone as a cunning person, you will always be careful with that person regardless how nice or sincere he/she treats u.
2. If you label someone as an evil person, whatever actions he/she takes will be perceived as out of bad intention.
3. If you label someone as an irritating person, whatever he/she does will annoy you.
4. If you label someone as person beyond cure, you just have to give up on him/her...... and nothing else can be done besides giving up.

Proper Way of Caring

Once again, I realized the my way of caring was wrong. It was not the first time I noticed it, but it will be the last time i mentioned about it. Because.. I decided to change.

Humans are very foolish. They like to listen to nice things, i don't deny i'm one of the 'foolish humans' too. Well, who dislike compliments and flattery?  That's not important anyway, what makes humans really foolish is they are very reluctant to listen to 'bad things' whether or not it comes from goodwill or pure criticism. And that's the mistake i made.

Oh well, give you few examples.

A person eats unhealthy food.
I say: Wah, why you eat such food? It's so unhealthy!

A person always use rude words in conversation.
I say: Don't keep saying vulgar words. It drops your image.

A person who is in bad posture.
I say: Your posture is very bad. You should sit properly.

That's what i did previously. Those words were from good intention. It is done out of caring. If that person isn't in the 'care list', i wouldn't have bothered about what repercussion that is going to happen to that person. However, we all know that people don't like to be 'taught'; they like to be admired instead. So, most people do not appreciate what i did, while instead most of them did not like the things i said. I realized this 3 years ago, but i did not do anything about it. I simply gave up that person and ignore that person forever.

But now.... I decided to change.  There's a reason why smart people are called smart; why friendly people are sociable. And now it's the time i'm going to change... to become smarter and friendlier.
Don't like to hear those words? Fine.. I'm not going to say those things anymore. It's not my business anyway.   Why would my attempt of making them better in the future has to end up as me being blamed and disliked? Totally not worth it. As a self centered person, i never do good deeds for no reasons. I'm not a great angel who is so kind till that extent that would tolerate people blaming me for trying to help them. You could question: maybe it's my way of putting those words doesn't sound polite enough. Partially true, but no matter how polite you are, when it is said repeatedly, no one is going to like it. And why would i go tru such mess for trying to be good?

So, this is what i'm going to do in the future:

A person eats unhealthy food.

I say: Those food are so tasty!

In mind: "let's just hope that you arent going to get cancer" 

A person always use rude words in conversation.

I say: Haha.. That's so funny.

In mind: "such a rude person"

A person who is in bad posture.

I say: (nothing)

In mind: "it's just so ugly!"

People evolve. And i evolve. 

I am becoming more self centered for the sake of myself. People can survive on their own without my comments. (Not that they will pay heed to my comments as well) But, well, for my own good, i think this change is necessary. Everyone loves to listen to good stuffs isn't it? Imagine the difference between the moment i said "the food is so delicious!" and "the food is so unhealthy!", which one would you prefer? Needless to answer, coz i know the answer.  

Level-5 Emoness

The emoness came suddenly, i did not know what's the real reason of the emoness. My housemates thought my emoness was due to exam stress. And frankly, that's definitely not the main reason of being emo. I'm never afraid of tests anyway.

I am convinced that FYP is part of the factors that causes the emoness. No doubt, it has been making me emo countless times. I'm sure FYP is one of the culprits. What else? Love relationship problem? Nope, my love life has been peaceful and plain like a calm sea since i started 'closed-door' policy. Friendship problems? Uhm.. maybe, but i don't think that's serious enough to make me emo.

Regardless of whatever factors that made me emo, i'm actually feeling quite bad for being emo today. I don't think i made a good 'appearance' to my housemates. I myself hate to see others emo, coz it will affect me too. And i'm sure that they would hate to see me emo as well. It's not one of the greatest emo i had,  of a ranking of 1 to 10, i would rank the emoness tonight to be of level-5. Nevertheless, i'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant to others. I should have locked myself indoor while waiting for the emo period to cool off. Actually, it's not so much of a big deal, it's just that my temper gets very bad when i'm emo; and i do not say words that sound appealing to people (but more to direct sarcasm or criticism); and i wouldnt care about how others feel. I hope i didnt frighten my housemates; this should be the first time they encounter a level-5 emo. lol

I'm still uncertain of what causes and triggers the emoness. But it's okay. I'm used to it since it happened countless times in the past where i didnt know why was i emo. I hope it wouldn't happen again (but i know it will).

And guess what cures the emoness? a match of DotA! I told ya: games always have miracle power in healing emotions! 

Ethics of Care

Today, our lecturer taught us "Ethics of care" in Corporate Ethics class. It is an ethic that emphasizes caring for the concrete well-being of those near to us. Well, i think i seriously lack of it.


Being a very selfish person, i often feel surprised when there are people who care for me as it is something i did not expect in this world of self-centered people. Since i rarely care for others, i wouldnt expect others to care for me either. And due to this, i'm easily touched if there's someone who actually cares about me. 


Of course, some of the cares are fake, as in they are insincere. It's not really difficult to differentiate which care is sincere and which isnt, because i'm quite experienced in giving fake cares too. But well, I am still grateful for the fake cares, at least they tried an effort to fake it out, which is worth being thankful of (although it wouldnt make me feel touched)


Would i ever change from a self-centered person to another Mother Teresa? I wonder.


The world has been too nice to me, and perhaps i should let go of some of my self-interest and try to sacrifice for others. We cannot always be the one who Receives all the time, someone has to be the one who Gives sometimes right?  That's a typical "easy to say; difficult to implement" statement.

Different People Receive Different Treatment

Let's talk about being two-or-more faces today. I believe most of you are the same, you treat each individual differently based on his/her gender, age, position, closeness and etc. A simple example, let's compare the way you treat your teacher, your nephew, your parents, your lover, a stranger and an old friend. All receive different treatment right? That's what i mean. (although there's a possiblity you treat all the same, if that's the case, you are weirdo! Imagine you talk to your parents, "Hey parents, let's hang out" or to your nephew, "Excuse me, may i know the reason you skip the class?")

The examples i mentioned just now was a bit general. In fact, between friends, I still treat them differently based on closeness, gender, age, position and their personality. For example, towards some friends, i do not crap in front of them. I could be very gentleman in front of a person and very 'jin gak' (evil) to others. And sometimes, i will be extremely cold towards a person and i dont even know why.

I personally think the multiple behavior/treatment characteristic is okay although some people say i'm fake. But who cares, in order to be good in socializing, you gotta 'customized' urself (treatment) to different people. Don't they learn marketing? We gotta customize the product/service to suit each customer needs. lol. However, there is this one particular problem when having multi-faced. I seriously do not know how to handle, when there are two different 'treatment' groups i have to face at the same time. I face difficulties in choosing which treatment to use or how to 'combine' and find the average of the two different treatments in order to face the 2 different 'treatment' groups. By the way, do you understand what i mean? It seems like my explanation is not really easy to understand. Okay, let me give an example for you. Let's say the way i treat my parents is being less talkative and the way i treat my old friends is i always crap. Imagine, in an occasion, my parent fetch me and my friends to a place (bus station maybe). Then, in the car, i dunno how should i face the situation.. Remain less talkative or keep crapping? Usually in such situation, i will keep quiet, because i do not know how should i handle the situation. Same to this occasion, most of u know that i crap a lot. But sometimes, when you introduce me some new friends, i tend to talk less and become a bit quiet because you and 'new friends' are belong to two different treatment groups. lol. understand what i meant?

Sometimes, i wonder should i reduce the level of 'customization' so that each treatment is different but not so much different. :-/  This will make me easier to handle two different treatment groups. However, the customization level will decrease, which means it will be less effective in dealing with people. A bit dilemma though. And sometimes I also lost my self... as in i dunno what's my real personality. Because i'm friendly and unfriendly, polite and impolite, considerate and inconsiderate towards different people. And i can't say that i'm friendly in a general sense, because i'm only friendly to specific people. I could be very cold to those who i don't intend to mix with. In other words, i do not have a 'major' one side personality that defines me. Sometimes, i try to play some personality tests which everyone says it's accurate. Just to be curious, after i checked my result of the personality that i find it accurate, i will check other personality results of the same personality test too. And usually, i find many many other results are accurate too (coz i have multiple personalities).

Anyway, maybe you didnt think too much. Probably you are similar to me too, just that u didnt realize you have multiple face/personality. ;)

Good Luck Huh?

I thought i become stupid after internship. Not only stupid, but lazier too. Basically the equation of studies is like this:

Academic Performance = Smart * Hard Work (Effort spent on studying)

In other words, to achieve the same result, smart people don't need to study that hard while not-that-smart people have to study harder. And now, refer to the first paragraph, i have not only bcome stupid'er but also lazier. Hmmm.. based on the equation, my academic performance should be dropped like shit. BUT, amazingly, it didn't. Good luck huh?

Perhaps i'm not that stupid as i thought. My intelligence somehow remains after all those rotten days. Quite unlikely, but possible. Or maybe I'm not that lazy as i thought. But that's impossible, i know how lazy i am. Or the last possiblity is due to pure luck?

Honestly, for the first test, I scored quite well, better than i expected. If you count the average, out of three tests i actually score an average mark of 9.8/10. Frankly, i was a bit amazed by myself. And i admit that i didnt study very hard. So what? i am still smart or i'm just lucky?

I knew being arrogant will later has its consequences. And after i got an A for my internship, I don't really have much worries (except for the annoying project). Should I continue rotting myself? Well, i know the answer in rational wise, moral wise, society wise and common sense wise, the answer is no. But..  

Back to issue, i think it is really just lucky.. I can foresee some A- this semester. It's time to drop my cgpa, or like some fellows said, "it's time to balance up your cgpa"  Balance up? Balance down will be more appropriate.